From WACK to WONDERFUL!

Hey Peeps. Welcome back to my scribble..;)

Today tried to be trying, but I wouldn't let it.

Note: I almost ALWAYS type in all lowercase, just because...I want to, and I like to. But today I won't. Just in case you were wondering.

Okay, so back to today.

OH EM GEE.

So in my current state of laid-off-ness, my days tend to be fairly uneventful and downright boring. I hate not working, it's dumb and stupid. But I'm laid off, and I'm going to Ghana in less than a month. I won't be working until I get back. So there you have it.

Last night while I was driving home from church, I rode past the Chicago Police Department on Cottage Grove. I've passed the CPD many times before, and have even had to go up in there once to take care of some business. When I went there, I noticed there were people sleeping outside of the station. I can't lie, I was shocked. I was shocked and hurt and sad. But I just went in there and handled my business and then left. That was almost a month ago. Okay, so back to last night. I drove past on my way home, and looked to my left and saw them outside again, sleeping. I didn't feel shocked, or hurt, or sad this time. This time I felt compelled. Compelled to do what? I didn't know yet. But it was gonna be something. So I thought for a couple more minutes, and knew immediately what I was going to do. I was gonna feed them.

I called the police station to make sure it was okay for me to feed my "homeless homies" (*smile*) and I called up a friend to see if he wouldn't mind accompanying me to take them some food. I figured, I love pizza, so hell, maybe they will too. Pizza it was gonna be! So I made up my mind that the next evening before church (which is today), I was gonna go feed them.

Fast forward to today.

Okay. So my friend and I decided I'd pick him up and we'd be on our way to the pizza place at 6pm (he came up with this time, I agreed). At 6:07pm I was ready to head out of the house to go get him, and he....was just. getting. home. Or in the shower, one of the two. *deep breath*
I know how I can be with time, but it was made pretty clear that I needed to be at church by a certain time (7pm to be exact). Hmm...so what does this mean? I'm gonna be late. Dumb late. I'm normally always late to like everywhere- but I mean, come on. This could have Totally been avoided...
At any rate, we go to where the pizza place is SUPPOSED to be, and I will be damned. It's not there. I was sooooooo frustrated at this point. I was already irritated because 6pm had turned into 6:30pm and now this? GOT to be kidding me. Seriously. Like are you f'n serious??<-----those were all of the things that ran through my mind.
Ultimately, I just said fuck it. I was taking my friend home and then was gonna go home and pick my poison (sangria? or moscato?)...The tears came involuntarily. He wasn't supposed to see them. But he somehow did, and kept asking me what was wrong and was saying things to make me feel better. But it was annoying me, so I said nothing.
Just kept driving and praying that I wouldn't hit something or somebody on the way back home. I had officially shut down, I was Super upset and frustrated, and all I could do was drive and cry. No talking.

Okay, so I dropped him off at home, and then the tears REALLY came. I mean I was crying like somebody kicked me in the stomach. But...I guess that's how I felt. I just wanted to do something good, you know? I just wanted to go to church and I wanted to help my homies (let me just clarify--I really do not know these people at ALL).

I drove home.

When I got home, would you believe there were absolutely NO parking spots? GOT to be kidding me. Got to be. Nope. Not at all. No parking spots on my block, at ALL. So what this lil African girl do? She took her butt to church. I sho did. I was like, you know what? It's 6:55pm and it starts at 7, but I NEED to be up in SOMEbody's church, or all hell might break loose in real life. I went to church. We gathered on this day in particular to pray for the underemployed and unemployed (*points to self* :-/), and participated in intercessory prayer with one another. It was awesome ya'll! I cried me a(nother) good cry up in there!

While I was in church, I decided: you know what? Forget this, the devil IS a lie. I WILL feed my homeless homies if it's the LAST thing I do today. So after I got out of church, I called the police station (again) to make sure it wasn't too late (she said it wasn't), called another (more expensive, but at this point, I did NOT care at all) pizza spot, put my order in, and went on my merry way.

at the police station....

I parked my car right outside the station, and saw the homies sleeping. I had no clue what I was going to do because I was hoping at LEAST one of them would be awake so I could leave it with 'em. So I just started walking up the way to the doors, when one of them kind of sat up. I asked him if he was hungry and let him know that I had brought some food for them (just in case he didn't see the HUGE ass pizza box in my hand). Then another one sat up. My heart was pounding out of my chest and I was shaking like a leaf, I was so nervous! I have NO idea why though!! They were harmless. Hell, if anything, I'M the one they needed to worry about right? (I mean not in real life, but you get my point). I left the box of pizza with them and then went inside of the station to see if they had some paper plates or napkins...do you know when I came back out with some napkins 5 minutes later, that pizza was gone?! My homies were hungry ya'll. :-( They made sure to share with the others who were initially sleeping, (I know because I asked them and they all said yes), and they smiled and thanked me. They were so hungry! My heart wasn't beating fast anymore, it was smiling. My body wasn't shaking like a leaf anymore, I was calm. I was happy. I loved seeing the looks on their faces. The sincere gratitude. The satisfication. They wouldn't have to sleep on an empty stomach now.

I didn't do any of this, or write about this experience to get the "ohhh that's sooo niiiiiice" "that's sooo sweeeet" "your blessings are cominnnnng", blah blah blaaaaaaah....I'm a social worker ya'll. One of the most rewarding fields (in my opinion), that there is. So I'm not thirsty for the "praise". I wasn't even going to scribble about this at all to be honest. But I decided to because I almost didn't do any of this. I almost gave up because my evening did not go how I wanted it to go. How selfish! I almost didn't feed the homeless homies because MY evening didn't go as planned? I almost didn't go to prayer services because of MY irritation?? Really Ms. "ImaLover"? Really? Yeap, really. It almost didn't happen. But boy am I thankful I did what I set out to do. I wanted my friend to go with me because I felt nervous and anxious and didn't want to do this alone. I wanted to go to the first pizza spot because it was cheaper. Neither of those things occurred, and I almost let that PLUS the absence of time stop me. How dare I?! But thank JESUS, that my love for helping others, and my determination superceded my selfishness (and I'm not even selfish in real life! Well I don't think I am anyway..). Thank Jesus! I feel so good ya'll. I am going to stop depending on people to do things with me that I KNOW that I am capable of doing by myself. I am also going to stop being so impatient with myself and with others (well I'ma continue to work on that one ya'll...for real).

I feel good. I don't have much ya'll. At all. But my homeless homies? They have nothing.

This went from a WACK Wednesday to a WONDERFUL Wednesday!

HOTEP!!
:)