i'm about to be like...not in my 20s anymore. when the hell did this happen? i remember being 5 years old, living in the bronx and saying my first cuss word ("bitch") to a little boy who was bothering me on the playground during recess (i think the little twerp pushed me or something). you mean to tell me that was almost 25 years ago? word?
damn damn damn.
um, sooo now what? well...i'm about to be *cough*ahem*emmm*errr*hmph...30. there i said it. i'm about to be 30 years mf'n years old. whew! that's a lot. kinda. ain't it? don't answer that.
well in my 29th year of life, i've learned SO much about myself. oh my goodness. ya'll wanna know what i've learned (so far. 'cause surely i am still learning)? ok. here we go....
29 things i have learned about myself (in no particular order):
1. i'm sensitive. as SHIT. like who knew??? well maybe YA'LL did, but I didn't and i promise if somebody would have described me as "sensitive" 2 years ago, i would've looked at them like they just grew an extra nose.
2. i'm emotional. as SHIT! like cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat emotional. when did THIS happen??? i'm convinced it JUST happened. like last week sometime. ok, not really. but it definitely happened over the past year. DEFINITELY.
3. i love HARD. men, friends, all of the above...*blessing and a curse*
4. i'm scared of commitment! in real life. i love the idea of love, marriage, etc...but the truth is, the shit freaks me out! surprised? yeap i was too, once i finally realized it/admitted it to myself...i'll elaborate on all that in a future post;)
5. i take things personally. a Lot. no bueno. i need to QTIP right? yeah, yeah...i know, i know...
6. i've heard this one once or twice before from other people, but i think i'm finally getting to the point of believing it myself (ESPECIALLY over this past year...whew)--i'm resilient.
7. i am magnetic! (so i've been told...i agree!:)).
8. i like being naked. what?
9. i have ZERO tolerance for bullshit. i don't care How fine you are (*insert name here*). and yes I get to define what "bullshit" means to me. hmph!
10. i do NOT handle stress well. i mean, outwardly? it appears that i roll with the punches as they come. but in real life, in my private time....wheeeeweeee!
11. i am an ASS when it comes to grammatical/spelling errors that are, in my opinion, very OBVIOUS. i hate that. a typo is one thing. if you're intentionally shortening words, or typing in all small letters is one thing (*wink*). but to put "lose" when you mean "loose" or putting the word "an" in front of a word that doesn't start with a vowel??? shoot me now.
12. i'm not one of those "see that's why i don't hang with chics, and have all male friends" chics. i LOVE chics! i love my chic friends, as well as my male friends, and i've learned an abundance from the women in my life. love ya'll chics! :)
13. i give second chances. and third. and sometimes even fourth. *totally working on that* 2 words, 1 name: be**** ha****. never again.
14. my heart is really big. and i totally mean well. more times than not.
>>>>pause: they're playing "have you ever" by brandy right now and i'm kinda freaking out! check my first post<<<<
15. i'm afraid of being "alone". i know that #4 says that i'm scared of commitment. but at the EXACT same time, i'm afraid that i'll end up alone! ain't that some weird, confusing, "typical woman" type shit? yeah, i know...i can't explain it. *shrugs*
16. i don't like for people to be upset with me. i'm GREAT at making it seem like i could give less than a damn if i think someone is upset with me, but the truth is i haaaaaaaaate for people to be mad or upset with me. which brings me to...
17. if there IS a problem, i get super annoyed when people do not TELL ME! arrrrgh! it really grinds my gears! if there is a problem, i may be totally unaware of it, and i would just love to get it out and cleared up, rather than maintaining this silent-ass-weird-awkward "thing". we grown right?
18. i can be SUPER impatient. at the EXACT same time...
19. i can be SUPER patient! ain't that some shit??
**explanation** i get impatient with others when they don't value my time, when it's Clear that there is a sense of urgency on my end. but in real life, why should they care right?? umm...because they're my Friend?? and they Care about Me?? hopefully? eh.
and i know i can be SUPER patient because i mean really- how many people can say they actually spent 17 days (straight) taking down their locs? *raises hand* true story. ya'll remember i used to have locs?? dang.
20. i HATE depending on people but i EXPECT people to depend on me during certain situations. crazy right? that's the social worker in me i guess.
21. i'm finally okay with my physical imperfections. that took me a WHILE! i'm sure partaking in a very liberating, albeit daring (for me) photo session with photographer saddi khali assisted in helping me get to that point. that and just getting "older" and more comfortable with my body. wait, you don't know saddi? google that brother. maybe i need to hold him accountable for my #8! haha.
22. i trust easily...sometimes Too easily.
23. i get close to people easily....again, sometimes Too easily.
24. i will probably love my ex forever. (the last one, not the one halfway mentioned in #13)
25. i love artists- poets, writers, painters, photographers, musicians....love, Love, LOVE them. like, i'm an artist groupie! they're super dope! but the thing that i REALLY love? my real life artist peeps! i love them to bits and pieces, and i think they kinda love me too. haha:)
26. i miiiiiiiiiight be a functional alcoholic. and IF indeed this is the case, i blame my father. (just joking daddy! kinda.)
27. i get me. but i finally understand that not everybody else does. or will. and that's ok.
28. i like writing. kinda love it actually. i didn't know that. or did i? maybe i did and i forgot. i don't know.
29. I'MA LOVER!!!!!!!!! (you HAD to know that was gonna be my 29th one! *sticks out tongue*)
so yeah. that's it. i'm about to be 30. as of october 29, 2010, i will O-fficially be out of my 20s. forever. it's a little depressing. and kinda exciting. and somewhat scary. all at once!! hmm...well, i hope you enjoyed my 29. i won't be 29 for long...
damn.
:-( :-/ :-)
Hey, I'm a lover, I love this!
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